In the current era, we have almost lost the culture and understanding of the Sacrament of Confession. At confession, we come to report our “feats,” our sins. Often, we boast, exalt, and pride ourselves with empty, senseless words, blaspheming the holy sacrament without grasping its essence. I have often seen (the priest writes) how, after confession—even during which there were inconsolable, uncontrollable tears and sobbing!—people left with pride, self-satisfaction, self-love, filled with a sense of worthiness and purity, and most importantly—relief. What self-deception, what delusion, what blindness! Within a week, this “spiritual clean freak” will again sing the same old song: “sinful, as sinful as everyone…”. And when you interrupt this refrain and ask specifically about the sin—there seems to be nothing wrong. In other words, he does not see and does not feel the sin, and does not want to repent and confess in this, for now, his only sin (that is, that he does not see his sin, that he is “sinless”), or at least to begin repentance. No, the instinct for self-preservation quickly kicks in, and this “greatest sinner” (what pride, what blindness!), having so many sins with which he battles, becomes confused and does not know where to begin to lament his evil deeds, because he sees, knows his sins—an innumerable amount, like the sands of the sea! (irony). This poor confessor becomes confused not because he does not know where to start, but because he has nothing to say, he finds himself sinless, he does not have sins and he (oh, what great misfortune!) begins to invent, remember according to the prayer book, what sins exist and name them. He is like an innocent, poor thing! This happens because almost everything is artificial, everything has turned into a game: spiritual fathers—spiritual children. Everyone is playing a role: the spiritual father (pseudo) as if understands what is being discussed, or even pretends to have some revelation; and the children are always ready for mindless obedience. They forget (or never knew) that one becomes a “sinner” (everyone is equally sinful, but only a few see their sin), only through the zealous observance of the Gospel commandments, only to the ascetic who correctly struggles, is given the divine grace—the gift of seeing his own sin. Therefore, when we say we are the greatest sinners (what great pride: “I am the greatest sinner,” is equivalent to “I am a great saint”), we are saying that we significantly carry the Grace of the Holy Spirit within us. But in reality, most of us, like pagans, do not know and have not heard that there is the Holy Spirit (being baptized in the name of Jesus Christ and anointed—participants of Pentecost!!!). We live in “prelest,” self-deception only because we do not want to be truthful with ourselves. The holy fathers say: he who says he can see—will never see; he who says he is a sinner—will not see his sin; he who perceives his psychosomatic, natural nervous states as divine grace—will not receive the Holy Spirit unless he repents.
Therefore, the starting point in repentance and confession—I do not see sin, I do not need Christ, the Church is ontologically unnecessary to me. Yes, it takes courage, bravery from both: the spiritual advisor first and foremost, and the confessor. Therefore, the confessor, who is “cornered” by a competent spiritual father, needs to not run away, not name others’ sins, but be truthful with himself and admit that he is sinless, that is, does not see his sin. Of course, there must be a competent spiritual father who understands what confession is, knows the laws of spiritual life, and will not help me remember my sins! Very often false spiritual fathers help the confessor: maybe you did this, maybe that, maybe you remember something else. And the poor confessor (doubly: blind himself and fallen into the hands of the blind): yes, I did this and that… And all these revelations end with a dialogue: do you repent—I repent, will you do it again—I will not. Although subconsciously both know (if they don’t know, it’s a disaster) that he is not repenting (because he does not know what it is) and will continue to do it (cannot not do it). And both see that such a confession does not work, but no one wants to ask the question—what is the matter, really—because that would require reading, thinking, searching— who needs these extra problems…
People have lost their way, and blind leaders cannot show them the way. Therefore, it is necessary for everyone, clergy and laity, God’s people, the royal priesthood, to rethink this severely distorted understanding of the Sacrament of Confession and Repentance with the mindset of the holy fathers, to start thinking and asking questions: If the sin is forgiven, then why do I sin again?! Therefore, the power to commit sin has not disappeared—sin is not forgiven!!! If so, then what happens in the sacrament? First of all, we forget the fundamental spiritual truth—the sacrament is not magic! And sin (see Sin) cannot be forgiven: a wound (sin) cannot be forgiven—it needs to be healed. We forget that the healing process is two-sided: Doctor and patient. When the patient and doctor just talk, say, at a birthday party, and talk about politics, or even about diseases that people often suffer from—there can be no talk of treatment—there must be a patient who needs to be treated!!! Therefore, as long as the sin does not hurt, to name it or talk about it is futile—the patient sees himself as healthy (does not see his sin).
A miracle might happen, that even in a conversation (e.g., at some celebration), which does not involve the application of professional skills, a disease will be revealed. But this real sin (that I do not see sin, do not feel myself sinful), the only one that can be grasped to break out of the illusion of self-deception, is immediately replaced by a whole bunch of unreal, abstract sins. The catalog is always at hand, choose whatever you want: light, heavy, very heavy, simple, complex, salvific, “unsalvageable” (I do not know what kind of “unsalvageable” this is, the father probably knew what he was writing or what meaning pagans placed in it). To confession, one can and should go only with a sin (not many), towards which I have disgust, hatred, malice, enmity, with which I fought and am fighting, and see my powerlessness to overcome this sin (to heal this wound on my own). Confession is a request for help from God in the battle with this or that sin (a request for healing, curing of this or that deadly wound), not an amnesty, not forgiveness in the legal sense. The Lord does not forgive sin (but heals), but gives us the power to overcome it.
The fruitlessness of our confessions lies in the fact that we place the whole task of overcoming sin on God! Because most of us believe that He (the Lord) magically, through the priest, who has (also magical?!) power to release and forgive—forgives sins!? Therefore, after confession, the person walks away calm, peaceful, joyful—everything is behind,
—there is no sin. Poor thing! And immediately falls into the clutches of the same sin, again becomes an instrument and slave of Satan. Being unprepared and unable to accept and use the power, Grace, which God gives to believers (orthodoxly) in the Sacrament of the Eucharist, suffers defeat. And at the next formal confession, again talks about the same “feats,” which she swore not to perform again. And again: do you repent? – I repent, will you do it? – I will not… And again sounds the “magical” Catholic absolution formula: “I absolve and forgive,” which destroys the consciousness and understanding of the sacrament and leads believers into delusion and an illusory world of sinlessness. Imagine the picture: a paralyzed cripple lying on a bed relaxed, promising that tomorrow he will participate in the World Championship in weightlifting, or will be in a sparring match with Klitschko and fight for the title of absolute world champion!!! What madness and blindness! And this is the truth about us, to a greater or lesser extent. After confession, spiritual fathers often ask: do you repent—I repent (what this is—often no one knows, it’s just appropriate to ask and answer). Will you no longer go to the toilet under yourself? – I will not, – proudly answers the paralyzed, who cannot even move without help! What a substitution! What a misunderstanding! The correct prayer is supplicatory: “reconcile and unite,” not performed with amnesty.
As long as we think about sin and forgiveness in legal (legalistic) categories, not in ontological (organic) – guilt and forgiveness, amnesty without ontological, existential change (and not sin as a wound, mutilation and accordingly healing, health), we will not stop undermining the foundations of the spiritual life of believers.
Therefore, it is necessary before each sacrament to make an announcement. Do not be afraid to ask questions: either the sacrament is not valid (which is equivalent to—either God is powerless?), or I am doing something wrong; the reason is either in God (Who is Love and only Love, who does everything possible for my salvation), or in me? The sacrament is always valid (God always gives Himself completely to everyone!), but the effectiveness (acceptance of this Gift – God) depends only on me, provided the necessary conditions are met.
In the sacrament of baptism, we do not promise God a good conscience (1 Pet. 3:21 incorrect translation; see above), but we beg God for a good conscience (St. Gregory the Theologian). So also in confession, which is essentially a renewal of the baptismal promise. Therefore, it would be good if we read the correct absolution prayer, but what there is – that’s what there is. The reality and effectiveness of the sacraments do not depend on prayers (otherwise – this is already magic, spell, paganism, which has nothing to do with Orthodoxy). Therefore, we must first take care of the correct, Orthodox understanding of the Sacrament of Salvation.
Thus, confession is not the end, but only the beginning of a new struggle with the help of God’s grace, which does not act mechanically without us. Such is the law of spiritual life – God created us without us, but cannot save us without our help (although He wants our salvation so much that we can neither imagine it nor, probably, ever fully understand it). Let us be prudent, truthful, wise! Read the Holy Fathers, not catechisms and dubious brochures or newly minted elders and god-given… Reflect, discuss, but be truthful, sincere, because without this – there will only be evil! Therefore, first the pastors must discover for themselves the essence of the Sacraments (especially repentance and confession), and then all God-lovers who want to see Life. (The practical side of confession – in subsequent parts).
P.S. In the sacrament, we ask God for one thing – Fire, which He brought down to earth, Fire of zeal and love, Fire – Holy Spirit. Let us all repent (total change of mind, direction of will, understanding, turning all our being towards the Kingdom of God), while there is still time!