To tell someone something, to give, you need to first hear them, see them, find out about the one you are trying to communicate with, everything possible or at least what is necessary, without which there will be no communication (perhaps it is not worth wasting time because there will be no good communication, so you need to act according to the principle-command: “leave them…”), and only then proceed to good deeds: say something, do something appropriate, timely. For example, a person does not know the Ukrainian language (or a Chinese, or Russian, or…), and I tell them for three hours about something very important (or even the Gospel), useful. I get nervous, irritated, angry: why is there no positive reaction, understanding, I have already explained it with such simple words, elementary examples-analogies (even children in the nursery would understand) – why does the interlocutor not understand such elementary things, why does he look at me with such surprised, confused eyes (and I do not let him open his mouth, say a word – I keep telling, telling!?)! But if I found out in advance that in front of me is a foreigner who does not understand a single word in Ukrainian, then if I wanted to communicate, I would take care of a translator so that we could at least initially hear each other in words… If even a husband and wife live under the same roof for decades, sleep in the same bed, eat the same food at the same table… and do not hear each other, have nothing in common, and you see this foreigner for the first time, – to have at least some communication, create conditions for its inception!
The doctor first, before prescribing a course of treatment, listens to the patient (with his ear – what the patient says about himself, and with a stethoscope), examines him using various methods: MRI, ultrasound, etc., sends the patient to take tests in the laboratory, establishes a diagnosis. And only then – having learned about the patient and his condition (based on the results of tests and examinations) – prescribes a course of treatment. Therefore, before speaking, the doctor listens: either to the person (the patient and colleagues who provided him with test and examination results), or to God (Who by the Holy Spirit informs the saints about the spiritual-mental-physical state of the sick). That is, for the treatment to be successful, the doctor listens (carefully listens to all the symptoms to identify the cause of their appearance) either to the person or to God (or, if the doctor is a Christian, simultaneously – to the person in God). But not to himself, not to his phenomenal professional knowledge! If the doctor does not listen to the patient, does not listen to him, to his symptoms, pains, complaints, does not clarify the prerequisites, the causes of their occurrence – can he help (despite all his skills and knowledge), can he have communication with the patient in good?! Or, for example, a missionary – he must be everything to everyone, communicate with each catechumen in the language of the catechumen, in the language of the culture in which the catechumen is, and for this to be possible, he must first of all listen, learn, study the catechumens, and only then proclaim the Gospel in a language understandable to the catechumens! A teacher, before teaching, must know the abilities of each student… Therefore, a good missionary, teacher, doctor… can only be an obedient person who knows how to listen, who does not start speaking-acting until he listens (therefore the prophet-teacher-doctor-spiritual father – the whole constant obedience – listens to God and the neighbor in God). Until I find out who my interlocutor is (either through the revelation of the Holy Spirit or by earthly methods), what exactly I can tell him, until I find out what he can contain, – how can I, being wise, give him something (inappropriate, untimely, unbearable – kills; and: “do not cast pearls before…” – you need to know who is “before” you)? Therefore, the foundation of communication is obedience-listening-silence. Every true, appropriate, good word is born only from silence, from obedient, attentive, vigilant listening to the neighbor with all spiritual-mental-physical organs of perception (sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste…), when you are entirely – hearing and attention, and this is unthinkable without silence (hesychia). The basis of Good, Good deed is obedience!!! All Good is accomplished only in obedience, in the context of obedience-communication!!!
The main thing is not just to say (give, do), but to be heard (accepted your gift-giving, deed-service), therefore, everything you say (do, give) must be said appropriately, timely, usefully (why give a blind person a ticket to an art gallery, a deaf person – a tape recorder, a newborn baby – solid food, a catechumen – to tell about the mystical states of perfect Christians, etc. Improperly (untimely, inappropriately, unreasonably…) done “good” deed is not Good!). And this can only be when you are obedient (listen to the Word of God, the Lord Jesus Christ, and fulfill His), not a teacher, “savior”, benefactor, doctor, mentor… when you in silence with all your strength listen to God (and the neighbor for the sake of God), listen and look into the Providence of God – the circumstances in which the interlocutor (or catechumen) is, his state, abilities, capacity (you cannot give solid food to infants or tell the catechumens about the mysteries of the future age (the vision of God by Christians) when they barely understand that adultery is a sin!). To fulfill the commandment “Do not cast pearls…” you need to listen and be able to timely fulfill another – “Leave them…”. (Maybe a person now has an urgent question-need to know how to feed geese (so they do not die), and not how many Hypostases are in God, and natures in Christ, or other eternal, essential for all Theological Truths. This is how St. Ambrose of Optina, taught by the Holy Spirit, acted: he left the theological conversation about eternal truths and began to explain to one woman how to properly feed geese (she was working for a landlord, whose geese began to die under her care). If you tried to tell that woman something else (without first freeing her from the burden of this thought – how to feed the geese) – nothing good would come of it, no communication (no one would hear anyone)! The foundation of everything is obedience, in the utmost self-denial, self-emptying, silence to be all hearing, all seeing, all attention-vigilance – only then will there be unity, there will be communication, there will be Good!!!